It was all for nothing. Waited this long for nothing. Sent all those pictures for nothing. Saying I love you and I miss you for NOTHING. The whole thing was for nothing. And yeah, it makes me feel super low. “You’re stupid. You’re crazy. You’re disgusting”.
Thanks for everything, really. I appreciated it all. It’ll be hard finding a guy as great as you. But now I hate you. I hate you so much.
And even though it was the best thing to do I didn’t want to do it because I loved you and you didn’t. You never loved me. You never cared. You told me yourself.
So thanks. You will never hear from me again. Believe me.
With you. I just miss the feeling of you deep inside me. I miss my hands all over your body. I miss watching you as you work yourself into me. I miss the look on your face when it feels too good to handle..
I miss you so much.
Everything is turning into crap these days. My lying has caught up to me and karma is biting me in the ass. But the honest truth is that I haven’t been lying. I’ve changed my ways and have learned from it. And the fact that he doesn’t believe me and doesn’t know when I’m telling the truth anymore really hurts me and it’s all my fault because I messed everything up. And the fact that I swore over my mothers grave that I am not lying he still wouldn’t believe me. I don’t blame him for not believing me but I really am not lying and I wouldn’t use my mothers grave and disrespect her soul like that. I would never play around with something like that. Never.
I love him. I really do. I want to be with him and I know it takes TIME and EFFORT to make things better and I know it will if we really tried and trusted each other but he can’t trust me for the things I’ve done to him right now. So I will be patient and if God really wanted us to be together then we will. God has a plan for everyone. God would never give us anything we can’t handle. That is the honest truth. So, I know, IN TIME things WILL get better and everything will be okay. I just need to pray. Pray long and hard for good things to happen but I need to work for it.
I haven’t been around tumblr for the past few days because I’ve been in and out of the hospital. My mother is in very critical condition. She is in a very fragile state that you have to be there every second. Every move she makes needs to be watched.
This is a very sensitive time for me and my family especially my mother. In her mind all she is thinking about is how God is going to take her soon. Very soon. So, right now we’re doing whatever it takes to make her comfortable and happy.
I am finally home but still have many problems I need to take care of. All I want is support from whoever can give it to me. I know you’d be hurting bad if this was happening to you.
I miss you..
I officially have a boyfriend. It honestly doesn’t feel like it made a difference making it official but it gives me a sense of relief; consistency; makes me feel a little bit better about this. Am I happy? Ecstatic! Why? Because the man that I’m with is wonderful. Couldn’t ask for anything better.
Pretty much every day since my trip to the Philippines, or since my stay in Somerset Millennium, Makati, I’ve been noticing bruises on my inner thighs AND outer thighs and when I came back to Guam I’ve been noticing more bruises but this time on my ARMS. None on my stomach or back OR FACE…YET! Hopefully this will stop soon.
I don’t understand why people play these games. Like, that whole saying about, “When a girl is acting like she doesn’t care about you, that’s when she needs you the most.” That’s just the stupidest thing I have ever heard in my life. Why do you have to act like you don’t care about someone you like when really, you need that person. You WANT that person. Stop acting like a dumb bitch and tell that person what you want! If that person liked you and cared about you they’d be there for you. No matter where you are or what situation you’re in, that person will go out of their way to be with you.
So, go! Show that person you need them and you want them because if you don’t then that person is not going to know what you want and they might leave. Actually, they WILL leave.
Stop playing these games and stop hiding your feelings because sooner or later someone is going to get fed up. One can only take so much and once they reach that limit they can’t take it anymore.
So, be real. Be true. Tell me how you really feel.